Monday, May 16, 2005

Creaking toward the solstace ...

The cruise ships have arrived and the city's population has doubled overnight. I saw a man trying to move a refridgerator in his truck. It fell out onto the street and the poor guy was struggling to get it back on the truck bed so me and a few people ran over to help him lift it up again. And this tourist hopped out into the middle of the road and took a picture of it.


This print-shirt-clad fuckwit had mountains surrounding him, bald eagles landing on his shoulder, whales turning tricks in the ocean next to him, and virtually every other manifestation of god's glory surrounding him ... but no. This jackass chuckled his way to a picture of a sad little chubby man trying to move his fridge. I almost thought, "Jeez! Americans are annoying!" Until I realized that we're still in America and I'm just as annoying in my own way.

Is anyone out there in love? Just curious. I bet it feels great. The inexhausibly re-playable Garden State soundtrack is under this post, so I thought I'd ask.

Here's a conversation I had with The Most Wasted Alaskan I've Ever Met:

(Karl, Gene, Dan, and Will sit at The Imperial near the back pool table. A short man with a red Stanford University hooded sweatshirt and a baseball cap comes up. He is quite young.)

SHORT MAN: Heeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeey. You all from where I don't hey not you come from know where you're here, man!

GENE: What's up, dude.

SHORT MAN: Heeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeey, that's right what's up because born and raised try to fuck with me have both talk with the captain, right?

GENE: Right.


WILL: Right.

SHORT MAN: That's what I'm saying. Boom time with that, huh, I say BOOM!

(At this point, Karl, against his better judgement, decides to talk to the short man in his native language. Karl has had but one alcoholic beverage at this point.)

KARL: Hey!


KARL: You gotta break four after the Buddha done regent wholesale with the smokestacks.

SHORT MAN(laughing): Hahahahahahahaha, yeah fuck Budha.

KARL(laughing): I would tap gone eight thousand after Susan broke hafta Ernest Borgnine crap table with the Jesus.

SHORT MAN: I take both Buddha come through to that fat motherfucker and two Jesus could do that, say what I say.

KARL: Yeah, you say what I hear.

SHORT MAN: I say what you say what I read what you hear.

KARL: Yeah.


KARL: So. Did you really go to Stanford or did you just find that sweatshirt?

SHORT MAN: Naaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah, you know some guy mess with me when I was eight, I stabbed him in the motherfucking head like a crazy so since then I be Crazy Eddie! That's right!

(At this point, the Short Man takes off his cap to reveal that he's mostly bald. And crazy.)

KARL: You stabbed him?

CRAZY EDDIE: That's right, neh-heh.

KARL: What was his name?

CRAZY EDDIE: He dead! Don't have a name anymore, neh-heh-heh-heh-heh!

(Crazy Eddie re-enacts the stabbing using a cocktail straw and a rather impressive array of mimed kicks.)

CRAZY EDDIE: Woo! Dah! Ha-ha! Speejaw!


So that was fun. But not especially rare. I realize that transcribing an encounter with a drunken ex-con can't match the re-telling, but oh well.

The audiences have been picking up steadily. It was slim pickin's for a while after opening night. But now we've been playing to pretty much full houses and should have a healthy final two weeks before we're done. I've entered this wierd dimension where I've done this show for so long it's like a recurring dream -- meaning I don't switch on autopilot, necessarily, but the emotions have been choreographed as tenaciously as the movement. So with muscle-memory comes a kind of unstoppable empathy surge. I don't know what to call it exactly, but I was shocked to find that I wasn't really thinking anymore during the show. It's a good thing for me because I tend to think too much on stage -- all of my characters have to pass through the cerebral checkpoint before they make it out. But after two years working on this monster, there's no fear. And the cool thing is, there's no boredom either. Sure, I'd like to move onto something else soon and I wish I had more energy to give each performance, but all-in-all ... this is a pretty cool challenge.


Amy Easton said... are probably going to think I am some sort of FREAK or something but I assure you I am in NO WAY crazy or insane! I had the absolute pleasure of seeing you in "Columbinus" not only once but twice, and it was the most amazing thing I've ever seen in my entire life. This probably sounds so cliche' and so completely cheesy but it's absolutely true!! I had gone to see it the first time and could barely even speak afterwards, and knew that I HAD to get my parents out to see it. My parents are extremely picky when it comes to seeing live theatre and it takes a lot to keep their attention, especially my father whose favorite movies include anything starring Leslie Neilson...if thats any indication of what we're dealing with here ;) But after taking them to see your show, they felt the exact same way that I did and could not stop talking about it. I am so thankful that I got to see your show, and especially your performance. I don't know what I can say to you that probably hasn't already been said, but you are one of the most amazing actors I have ever seen! I live in Frederick, MD and do a lot of theatre in and around MD,DC, and VA and witnessing your show made me thankful to be doing what I do, and made me want to strive to someday be at the level that you and your show were at. I probably sound like a complete idiot right now, and I haven't even said everything that I would like to tell you about your performance, but just know it was an absolutely incredible experience. I hope to see you in more shows around the DC area when you return from Alaska! Good Luck!!

East Coast Alaskan Girl, Retired said...

well shit. i clearly left the imperial too early the other night and missed out on quite the encounter.

and no, i'm not in love. sorry not to be of more assistance. but i was in a deep state of "like" when i saw garden state and wept at the ending, recalling a teary goodbye in the juneau international airport.

yeah. and apparently in juneau when someone expresses an interest in you and you think about it and then express an interest back, it just doesn't work out. yeah. lovin' that world right now.

looking forward to seeing yer ma when she's in town this weekend. oh, and just realized that i have the link to your blog wrong on mine -- so i'm gonna go fix that.


LuckySpinster said...

crazy eddie sounds like a guy i recently dated [ecag, keep your mouth shut]. i admit, i didn't have high hopes for a quality relationship, but the four-uno-uno i got on how to pimp/deal/stab someone in the neck without killing 'em appealed to the writer in me. i guess i was using him. he's def gonna be a character in one of my plays.

love. what's that? do people over 30 even do that anymore?

tickledspirit said...

One piece of advice: don't start thinking again. When I was on tour with... (ahem) "The Wonderful World of Simple Machines", I definitely got into my not-thinking groove after awhile. When it came down to our last show, I realized I really wanted to experience it, to really be present onstage, so I brought myself back from whatever other mental dimension I was in... and promptly lost all focus and screwed up my lines.

I recovered honorably though, and the third graders never noticed.

Mb said...

hey. garden state soundtrack, huh? good stuff. i'm really loving your blog. i did just have a bit of a mishap involving a diet pepsi, my nostrils and the keyboard while reading your last post, though. glad you're having a good time up there!
being in love...s'alright, yeah. he kills the scary bugs and opens the really tight jars.

Melissa said...

You just made me piss myself.

Missed you at the Mary Goldwaters - you wouldn't believe the upheavel in establishing WHO would accept your award. I thought one of those lovely older folks was going to PLOTZ! Jose ended up doing it and said some lovely things bout you. We tried to call your cell so you could hear it, but, well, cell phones suck...