Sunday, May 01, 2005

The Honeymoon

May very well be over. This is not to say that the place is any less gorgeous; merely gorgeous without novelty. We had a 10-of-12 tech rehearsal yesterday. Will's cousin was killed in a car accident in Texas, so he's flying down for the funeral today and will return on Tuesday for another dress rehearsal. The kid was 19 and had just survived an accident of his own, when another car apparently crashed into the first mess. We discovered that the Alaska Airlines bereavement discount applies to step-uncles, but not to cousins. So Will scrambled together a $1200 ticket that has him bouncing all over the Pacific Northwest to get to Texas and back in three days.

To answer some comment queries:

1) Yes, I have plenty of clean socks, mom. You should know that years of camping has armed me with the Footwear Imperative. I realize that that sounds like the title of an episode of Sex and the City, but it's actually a well-worn Boy Scout credo. If your feet feel gross/cold/sticky/dry, your whole body will. Especially outdoors. Thank you for asking. But if you're looking for a staple item to send in the mail, I might suggest a Chipotle burrito. Not because I'm craving one, but just to see if it's possible.

2) No, that was just a normal stunt kite I was gushing about, Lucky Spinster. Although the thrust on that thing sometimes pulls you forward off the ground for a second, I was not airborn myself. Some pros hop on a skateboard and let the kite tug them through traffic. I intend to try this downtown today. You should get one to avenge your seven-year old self -- plus, there's no wind in DC. Ever. So it'll force you to drive someplace fun. I don't know. Maybe I'm easily entertained that way. But I'm snatching some glow-tape from the theatre to see if this thing flies at night. Maybe some yokel on a boat will mistake it for a UFO.

3) Alfred Lord Tennyson

4) Well, it's strange that this subject has come up, Susan. Because I was just saying to another friend that I think the seizure of Yukos is one of the most hilariously tyrannical things to happen lately. Especially if you track the story back to last fall when the American press was billing Khordorkovsky's arrest as an example of some old-school communist undertow, where Putin was the bad guy snatching up a wealthy Jew's oil reserves. Now, apparently, K's verdict is a clairon call to end "the age of the oligarchs." Who's arresting whom here? And where's the oil going in the meantime? Any guesses?

5) Speaking of oil, 80% of Alaska's revenue comes from the viscous juicings of the earth's crust. Kinda puts the whole ANWR debate into persepctive. Still. 80%? Why, may I ask, is gasoline $2.55 a gallon here?! Everytime one of us complains about the price of something, we're told it's "because we had to ship it in here on a boat." I understand the $14 orange juice and the $42 pizza. Pizza is not indigenous to Alaska, I gotcha. They harvest the pizza in New Jersey and have it hauled here on a barge from the other side of North America. Cool. Fine. But you've got one of the continent's biggest refineries just up the channel from us, and gas is STILL more expensive than DC? If the tap water wasn't so pure, I'd rush to find the markup on that commodity. Okay. Petty outsider jab of the month taken care of. No more.

6) It's like this. You walk slower here because your distance, relative to the backdrop, is never that different. In a city -- walled in by buildings -- you drive and walk fast because the visual stimuli gives you the sense that you're accomplishing something; even if you're not traveling very far. But the mountains aren't moving anywhere. So whether I'm flooring it in the Festiva or just walking downtown, it feels the same. You may as well stroll -- cause unless you're on tectonic time, the earth just doesn't give a crap.

We're going to rent a cabin on the side of the mountain and try to pile all 8 of us in there with nothing but a hatchet and Gene's death-stare to fend off the bears. Any wagers on who'll make it back to sea-level alive? This is next week's adventure, after we've opened. I'm looking foward to opening -- mostly to get people circulating through the theatre. We've discovered that the locals are hospitible, but flinty. There's no warmth to their invitation. They mean what they say. Yes. But the trick is, they don't say much.


yermom said...

The gauntlet has been thrown. Watch your mail, hon!

Karl's Dad said...

Glad to know you found some practical value from your Boy Scout experience. Based on that, I would think you would challenge your mother to send you Shepherd's Pie through the mail instead of a burrito.

LuckySpinster said...

uh-huh. okay. got it. thanks for clearing the kite thing up. i've been wondering.

take heart--i just paid $2.45 a gallon for gas today. granted, it was premium, but...

and, since you're so good with answering questions, whatever happened with milosevic? i kind of trailed off following his trial, and i don't really feel like googling all that much right now.

thanks much.

ps--i think you should keep up a blog when you return. you are a good writer and the world needs more boy bloggers.

Karl's dad said...

I agree with Spinster. Your writing is amazing. I know I am biased because I am the proud dad, but I have not read stuff this captivating in quite some time.

btw, Unleaded Plus (89 octane with some Ethanol) is going for $1.99 in Central Iowa today.