Thursday, September 25, 2008

Open Source Obama

Has any candidate inspired more armchair quarterbacks (speechwriters/debaters/asskickers) than Barack Obama?

Watching the first Presidential debate, I felt much like Maureen Dowd (or Christophers Hitchens and Matthews): where was the knock-out punch? Why won't Obama finish him Mortal Kombat style? In a column titled "Barack Obama Doesn't Need Your Two Cents," Christopher Beam explains how all the sideline shouting cancels itself out. He should attack Palin! He should ignore Palin! He should warm up! He should cool down! And so on. I'm starting to think this slow-boil frustration is actually part of the Obama strategy. Call it DIY Rhetoric. And then pause to watch the following video again. Because now that McCain has conceded Michigan and publicly vowed to do nothing but throw poop for the remaining month, it's worth remembering which candidate actually has an affirming vision for the country:




Back in the primaries, Hillary Clinton actually tried to turn the screeching downhill skid of her own candidacy into a point against Obama. Why can't he close the deal? True, he's winning, but would you trust a guy who takes this long to beat me? It's a cotton candy assault. Say it once and it's tasty. Say it twice out loud and it evaporates in your mouth. She's essentially right, of course, since John McCain would be beating her much more thoroughly right about now. But only in the Clintonian crazy-straw of triangulation* and capitulation does this ploy make sense.

At the time, my shower-stall speech on the subject went something like this ... ahem:

I find it incredibly inspiring that we've taken our time to pick a nominee. Yes, many people have had their minds made up from the beginning. But this election is too important to resign to knee-jerk primary race trend-setting. Think about it. For the first time in ages, the national attention span has paused to consider the needs of each state in the country. How often does the mainstream media sit down to hear from the people of Montana? How often do national news networks stop to look at voters as diverse as Hoosiers and Tarheels? And within the same week, at that? Hillary may find this race tedious, but I think we're healthier as a nation when we give each corner of the country a chance to be heard. I think we have an invigorated, battle-tested candidate when they've been called to make the case to Americans everywhere, not just Iowa and New Hampshire. Call me crazy, but I think democracy is stronger when everyone gets a chance to participate.

And so watching the first presidential debate felt like watching the Act Two anticlimax of a sloppy kung-fu movie. "Man, if McCain tried that shit with me, I'd be all like suck THIS motherfucker! WOO-HA NEEEEEEEEEEYAAAH!"

As it happens, I'm living in the battleground state of Virginia for the next couple months -- so I have a place to take this frustration. For the past two Saturdays, I've been canvassing in the DC suburb of Shirlington ("commie country" according to McCain's brother). One of the Obama operatives there pointed out that Arlington county is overwhelmingly Democratic, but they only got 55% turnout in 2004. Their goal is to reach 80% this year and the voter registration deadline is today. If anyone else out there feels like a helpless fantasy football player, I can tell you that nothing sublimates spectator spin better than knocking on doors to spread the word.

On my first day, I confessed to the Obama reps on hand that half my motivation for helping came from this armchair quarterback impulse. I believe in Obama, yes. But I also believe he's in danger. And then it struck me: Barack Obama is the CSS Zen Garden of political candidates. I don't know if this is ingenious, cybernetic open source democracy or the Borg Collective, but the man needs people to complete him. In that spirit, I humbly offer the following post-debate dream sound bites. I hope to have fewer of them after tomorrow's town hall bout in Tennessee.

"Thank you for joining us, John."

Simple. Casual. Innocuous. It only sounds cheeky if you honestly think McCain's campaign "suspension" and debate postponement were serious maneuvers to abate the Wall Street meltdown. Obama made much the same point in his opening remarks when he said "I believe now is the time we should be speaking to the American people." But he could have politely reminded John that he'd already won a round just by showing up. And he could have "owned" the occasion up front.

"You can't treat international negotiations like a junior high school lunch room. No new clubs, no pretending the other person isn't there."

McCain wants to form a League of Democracies. But what happens when free-thinking societies freely think such a club is ridiculous? France, Germany and Britain are out. McCain booted Spain before the fact. So who's left? The League of Democracies is to international negotiations what Earmark Cuts are to budget policy -- a feeble cosmetic idea that doesn't begin to confront the challenges at hand. Combine this with McCain's blithe ignorance about the nation of Iran and you get a foreign policy that goes over very well with fourteen-year-old girls: la la la I can't hear you this is the cool kids table.

Every other democracy has open negotiations with Iran. And why? Because Iran happens to have a large, vibrant, young, pro-Western population. They see the elder theocracy dying off very shortly and their main beef with America isn't our freedom (gasp!) but the simple fact that we've already invaded two of their neighboring countries. McCain and his neocon boosters should be proud because we've already overthrown Iran's democratically-elected government once in living memory. But we can't just keep invading the same country every half-century. American regimes now have worse mileage than American cars. This won't stop McCain from inflating the tires with talk of a "second holocaust," but please.

Many sober minds on both sides of the aisle have pointed out the ironic temperament swap between the young black man and the white elder statesman. I wish Obama had inverted the age disparity by connecting the League of Democracies and Iranian diplomacy with McCain's adolescent world view, too. Which brings me to my last fantasy play ...

"You have to be able to look your opponent in the eye."

Is there a better way to connect the debate about international relations with McCain's bizarre behavior during that very debate? Obama made the same point in his Denver speech by pointing out how "McCain likes to say he'd follow Osama bin Laden to the gates of hell. But he won't even follow him to the cave where he lives." So why not take the same moral high ground w/r/t diplomacy and fuse that with McCain's cowardly shuffling during the debate? McCain has now repeated two disastrous gambits from Carter's failed 1980 campaign. First he tried to skip the debate altogether. After Obama called the bluff, he tried to pretend Obama wasn't on the same stage with him. Both were attempts to minimize his opponent as a spoiler. It only takes a brief rhetorical judo kick to turn this nonsense back on itself. McCain likes to say he won't blink, but he can't even face the man he's running against.

I don't have anything to add to the Biden-Palin smackdown. It was more declamation than debate anyway. But even within that tightly-girdled pageant, Biden burnt away everything but Palin's eyelashes. Who would have thought his most forceful answer (and Palin's most excruciating fumble) would be on the basic Constitutional definition of the Vice Presidency?! It's worth watching again because, in many ways, the whole debate boils down to this.




I mean, for fuck's sake, they even had the Constitution written in large letters behind them. I knew Palin would be consulting her notecards the whole time, but she can't even answer the question when the crib sheet is hanging in a tapestry right behind her opponent? Never mind the Bush Doctrine. I have the horrid feeling that Palin couldn't have recited the preamble with Joe blocking her view.

I don't expect Biden to point this out, but I thought maybe SNL might.

FOOTNOTE

*Clintonian triangulation Remember when she offered Obama the VP slot before she had the lead to do so? No one expected her to follow through on the promise, of course. The offer was made to float the mere idea of an inverted ticket and thereby deflate Obama's steady triumph in that race. As Obama was quick to point out, you can't offer a second-place spot when you're the one in second place. But no matter. Both Clintons are extremely generous when the gift isn't theirs to give. As Jon Stewart once put it, their "integrity is at its highest when the situation is at its most hypothetical."

Tuesday, September 16, 2008

While You Were Blinking

DOCTOR: Have you noticed any adverse side effects in your son since he began taking Ritalin?
HOMER: Well, he's stopped blinking. He says that's when they get ya.

--Simpsons episode, c. 1999

PALIN: I -- I answered him yes because I have the confidence in that readiness and knowing that you can't blink, you have to be wired in a way of being so committed to the mission, the mission that we're on, reform of this country and victory in the war, you can't blink.

So I didn't blink then even when asked to run as his running mate.

--September 11, 2008 interview with Charlie Gibson of ABC

I can see what Palin was talking about now! After drinking two pots of coffee and chomping a sheaf of nicotine gum wads, I am now sufficiently "wired" for every new threat to rational discourse. While I was blinking, I missed the whole Lipstick on a Pig story. Now, we've been told by McCain's folk that this election isn't going to be about issues. It may be about personalities or campaign money. But as Palin demonstrates with her manic fealty to "the mission," it's really about the collective attention span.


I won't bother embedding the YouTube video that documents every last blink, wink, stammer, and groping locution of Sarah Palin's first press interview. Nor will I re-play the Bush Doctrine sound bite because I hear Charles Krauthammer has the copyright on that term and has fully absolved her of any misunderstanding. More on the Chucky Lexicon soon.

Like just about everyone, I assumed that if Sarah Palin were going to fumble, she would do so on some arcane policy quiz or left-field factoid. Who is the U.S. Ambassador to Indonesia? Did you agree with the telecom immunity bill? She could easily, nay proudly, botch these questions or quickly tease out right answer. But if I had to ask the softest of softball questions for a guns-and-god Republican candidate, it would be "Do you agree with the Bush Doctrine?"


This is an important distinction because her next interview is going to be with Sean "Why doesn't mom love me?" Hannity. I think we can expect him to be gently deferential as he drills her on, say, the three branches of government or the state flower of North Dakota. Because if you can't ask her about the biggest initiatives within your own party, then it's time to skip to the swimsuit competition.



Forget the pregnant pause that followed Gibson's question and the charitable wide-shot that covered it. Forget her annoyed tone as she answered this question with a question, "In what respect, Charlie?" Forget that Charlie followed up with the generously open-ended "What do you interpret that to be?" We're now playing the Game of Questions from Rosencrantz & Guildenstern are Dead.

GIBSON: Do you agree with the Bush Doctrine?
PALIN: In what respect, Charlie?
GIBSON: What do you interpret that to be?
PALIN: His world view?
GIBSON: No, the Bush Doctrine enunciated September 2002 before the Iraq War?
PALIN: What does it all add up to?
GIBSON: Can't you guess?
PALIN: Are you addressing me?
GIBSON: Is there anyone else?
PALIN: Who?
GIBSON: How would I know?
PALIN: Why do you ask?
GIBSON: Are you serious?
PALIN: Was that rhetoric?
GIBSON: No.

Everybody with us? We've gone from a yes/no softball, to an open-ended invite, to a specific query. Palin could have blathered any affirmation she wanted for the first question. She could have interpreted her heart out for the second. And she simply should have known the third. But she fumbled all three. So far, the most effective defense for Palin's ignorance and lack of curiosity has been to make explicit what most of us have assumed since she was announced: that McCain has treated his first executive choice like a scratch-and-win sweepstakes. And just as McDonald's employees can't participate in their own contests, the winner of McCain's long-shot lotto should not have any insider knowledge. So not knowing the Bush Doctrine actually makes her more qualified. You have nothing to worry about because she's just another coupon-clipper like you.

If only they could explain why everyone has to clip coupons these days. Or how a $25 billion dollar coupon (earmark cuts) can pay for $200 billion in tax cuts and the $500 billion we already owe this year. But I shouldn't lecture. If you have sight of Russia, you must perforce have insight into Russia. And if you play Sodoku, you know a thing or two about numbers, so all that insider elitist Washington hoo-ha about the economy needn't scare you, either.

Dammit, I did it again. Sigh.

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Have you ever wondered what a nagging, trivial story like Lipstick on a Pig looks like after you extract it from the globulous maw of hypernews? Well, Glenn Greenwald yanks that festering tapeworm from out the anus of mainstream media in a magnificent essay over at Salon.com. I don't think I've ever seen someone trace every meme and mutation like this. He follows the phrase from its first utterance to its latest iteration as a major news story. But even if you blame Obama for the lion's share of that distraction, Greenwald's piece still reads well as a case study in media watchdogging. In an election where every blink counts, it's refreshing to find someone with the brute patience to tell a complete story.

While you're over there, check out his latest column, too. He explains how the real tragedy about Palin and the Bush Doctrine isn't her ignorance of the subject; it's that this ignorance disqualifies her from a debate we desperately need to have. Sadly, many of us on the left relish the spectacle of that ignorance too much to engage or change it. It struck me watching Tina Fey's pitch-perfect impersonation on SNL: this mimicry reveals nothing about Palin's character (the way Colbert's funhouse mirror actually brings O'Reilley and Hannity into sharper focus). No, Tina Fey actually beautifies Sarah Palin and offers the temptation of years of bankable laughs if we let her achieve higher office.

I know I sound like a humorless jerk right now, but it took me five years to realize that W was chosen by Dick Cheney to placate more than the wacky right. He was chosen to make liberals so delirious with indignant mockery that we failed to fight him. In times like this, I switch from John Stewart to Sage Francis:

But some of y'all still haven’t grown into your face,
And your face doesn't quite match your head.
And I'm waiting for a brain to fill the dead space that's left,
You're all, "Give me ethnicity or give me dreads."
Trustafundian rebel without a cause for alarm,
Cause when push turns to shove
You jump into your forefathers arms.
He's a banker, you're part of the system,
Off go the dreadlocks in comes the income.
The briefcase (the freebase)
The sickness (the symptom)
When the cameras start rollin' stay the fuck outta the picture pilgrim.

Mr. Save The World, spare us the details,
Save the females from losing interest.
And Miss Save The Universe,
You're a damsel in distress,
Tied down to a track of isolated incidents.
Generalize my disease,
I need a taste of what it's like.
Living off the fat of kings,
I play the scab at your hunger strike.
Slow down Gandhi, you're killin'em.

Who's the one to blame for this strain in my vocal chords?
Who can pen a hateful threat but can't hold a sword?
It's the same who complain about the global war,
But can't overthrow the local joker that they voted for.

--"Slow Down Gandhi" from A Healthy Distrust

I smell similar bait with Palin and simply wish we had better candidates before better comedy. When every blink counts, the only political capital worth measuring is attention deficit dollars. Authentic wit is the shortest distance between two ideas. As Ted Widmer recently pointed out in Slate, Obama is losing that fund-raising drive:

The last politician to zing a convention as effectively as Palin did was Ann Richards, the formidable, beehived governor of Texas—a Democrat. Her 1988 oration was a work of genius, not only for its classic line that George H.W. Bush was born with "a silver foot in his mouth"—a much more complex and interesting joke than anything Palin said—but also for its New Deal earthiness and brassy feminism.

Rousing as it was, Biden's recent speech has nothing on this. His joke that McCain should be called "Bush44" takes too long to set up and isn't worth the effort to repeat. If Rudy Guiliani = noun + verb + 9/11, then McCain = ?! We need something more than petty ad hominem gestures to complete that equation.

TRIMMING the HEGEMONY: DOCTRINES and DOGMA

Jesus said to turn the other cheek. The Bush Doctrine says you can strike both of the other guy's cheeks before he's hit either of yours. It takes spectacular effort to maintain the agonizing contradictions at the heart of right-wing morality. True, the apocalyptic death-wish of Revelations has a free-market match in disaster capitalism -- Christian doctrine blessing the Shock Doctrine. But overall, the American right is still losing energy and credibility on laughable concessions to its evangelical base. Like it or not, a solid majority of Americans are pro-choice. They know that Intelligent Design is a joke and climate change is real. Stem-cell research hurts no one and has the potential to help everyone. But because 25% of the country believes that Adam and Eve rode a dinosaur to church,* men like McCain still bend over backwards to appease them.

Remember, the Democratic primary may have taken a long time and ended on a 50-50 split, but the Republican primary crumbled in whole chunks along deep ideological fissures, leaving only one candidate who didn't look or sound totally ridiculous to a general election audience. John Kerry's 2004 primary victory owed to a similar succession of Lesser Evil choices. That quick contest yielded a candidate whose chief appeal was that he wasn't George W. Bush. Or Al Sharpton or Howard Dean or Joe Lieberman.

A similar dilution characterizes the emergence of John McCain. Imagine a Democrat snagged by three Nader-sized factions. Until a few weeks ago, McCain represented the American Right sans libertarianism (Ron Paul), religiosity (Mike Huckabee), or sadism (Mitt Romney). He called out the religious right for the "agents of intolerance" that they were. He dismissed Rush Limbaugh as "a clown" and suffered mightily for that slight. He told W to his face that he should be ashamed of himself during the 2000 campaign. Which is why it's so sad that he chose to debase himself by aligning with Bush so many times and then disowning or reversing his few noble departures: tax cuts, torture, global warming. His choice of Sarah Palin completes this degeneration because she steers the campaign back into Karl Rove's Culture Wars. At the end of the primary race, I wondered what was left of the Republican Party. Now I wonder what's left of John McCain.

Don't blink or you'll miss him, too.

FOOTNOTES

*Adam and Eve rode a dinosaur to church
Credit where it's due. This is a Tina Fey joke from a few years ago. Can we get more of this, please?

Sunday, September 14, 2008

David Foster Wallace: 1962 - 2008

He was found in his home this past Friday. He hanged himself.

Wednesday, September 03, 2008

Mere Triumph

For the past week, I've indulged in a Spurlockian diet of news and blogs. And like the sad, paunchy Morgan gulping his umpteenth fillet-o-fish, I've watched my metabolism and mental health plummet as I wolf down another Hitchens column or Sullivan post. So I'm writing this to purge myself of all the angry speculation blogging my arteries. Call it Denver Detox. Or angryoplasty.


God, I wish I had a sport to follow instead. But who needs that when you've got CNN's Ballot Bowl '08 traveling to Mile High Stadium, followed by a Hail Mary pass from McCain? I suppose we should expect Chief Justice Roberts to douse the winner with Gatorade on inauguration day.

CHANGE to SPARE

Let me begin with a funny piece of right-wing bitchery that followed Obama's acceptance speech:
We were thrilled by his speech in front of the Greek columns, which were conscientiously recycled from the concert, “Yanni, Live at the Acropolis.” We were honored by his pledge, that if elected president, he will serve at least four months before running for higher office.
Ha ha! The rest of that David Brooks column is a hilarious sample of white resentment. He tries to make many jokes but can only pound his fist against the logo. Like most angry crapitalists, he thinks the best way to attack someone is to mock the brand name they're wearing. Brooks hates pretty much everything, from Frappuchinos to Coke Zero to the Acela train to beauty, achievement, M&Ms, etc. That little sample above was the only shard of genuine wit I could find. Because let's face it: it is pretty funny to imagine Obama leaving office in 2010 to serve as Secretary General of the U.N. At the rate he's going, he could be High Prefect of Alpha Centauri before his IRA matures.


But if Obama's rise follows a scary singularity curve, then my calculations show that Sarah Palin is only a heartbeat away from becoming Lord Protector* of the Milky Way. Of course, one quick way to embiggen your constituency is to count the unborn children spawned by rape and incest. Palin's own family census has rapidly expanded between drafts of this very post!
  • Mayor of 6,000 for 6 years.
  • Governor of 600,000 for 2 years.
  • VP of 300,000,000 for 1 year -- at which point McCain will croak but not before making abortion illegal so she can be ...
  • President of 500,000,000 for one trimester -- at which point the planet will explode from one catastrophe or another.
For all the tactical questions flying around, we should add the following reverse-hypothetical and then be done with the whole mess: Would McCain have picked Sarah if Hillary were Obama's VP? Everything about the Palin choice smacks of demographic calculation, stagecraft and mere reaction to the Obama camp. McCain met Palin once six months ago. He reached out to her and began vetting only after Obama tapped Biden as his VP. If McCain wanted a young, dynamic governor who appeases the Limbaugh-Coulter set, he could have chosen Bobby Jindal -- an effective "identity politician" with experience both national and local, legislative and executive. And since Palin was only on the radar about as long as Hurricane Gustav, why not pick the guy who's been on TV saving the poor masses of New Orleans?


I know there are a lot of cynical answers to that question -- or answers that try to make McCain look cynical. But with all the resumes on McCain's desk, Palin basically shakes out as Romney without Romney's debate baggage. Unfortunately, she is also Romney without Romney's economic experience -- the other gaping hole in McCain's platform and the issue Obama rightfully owns.

The general election may be the biggest game show on television, but let's remember that the Vice Presidency is not a runner-up prize. It is not White House! The Board Game! The job has two important components and a trillion trivial ones, none of which suit Hillary's gifts or Palin's qualifications. So what's the real game here? Barack Obama lent some of his change (and Change) by selecting Joe Biden. John McCain has lent all of his experience by selecting Sarah Palin. Obama countered McCain's Experience Charge with Joe Biden, and now McCain is countering Obama's Change Charge with Sarah Palin. And back and forth and back and forth. Like two lone kings inching into the stalemate corner of a chess-board, both men have succeeded in canceling out or deadening the potency of each other's catchphrases and criticism. All that remains is the tenacity of the players. In American politics, that means the dollar and decibel count of their supporters.


TOP or BOTTOM?

Bush-Cheney revolutionized this relationship in a couple of ways. Instead being a back-up copy of Bush, Cheney was Bush's back. Rove was the brain, Cheney the spine, and dad had the keys to the house. Cheney wasn't a "force-multiplier" -- to borrow a now-popular army surplus term -- he was the only purposive force in the Bush Administration. Biden may add heft and horsepower to Obama, but there's no doubting that Obama's vision governs the whole enterprise. This odd compact worked well with Bush-Cheney because we were in a state of permanent emergency anyway. It will work for Obama-Biden because the two men complement each other's talents without inverting the chain of command.

Palin, meanwhile, cannot fulfill the first and simplest VP duty: to manage the executive branch during an emergency and become President at a moment's notice. This might not matter if McCain didn't happen to be a 72-year-old cancer survivor. Of course his age and health don't disqualify him from the most stressful public service job in the universe, but they do require some responsible backup in the VP slot.

This might matter even less if McCain and Palin were correct about the major economic, international, and social issues of the day. But because she hews to the Jesusland shock doctrine -- and because McCain still proudly apes the Bush-Rove-Cheney legacy -- a McCain-Palin ticket brings nothing new to the game except a desperate descent into identity politics where, at best, they may collect some stay PUMAs. So be it.

*Lord Protector Her anti-abortion, anti-envrionmental, anti-gay, pro-Intelligent Design platform certainly has a Cromwellian feel to it, don't you think? But hey: he was a reformer!

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If you've read this far, maybe you'll indulge me on a little craft project for the rest. Blogging makes me anxious because I feel like I'm writing on water. And yet, that's not slippery enough. I'll go back to the digestive metaphor from above by comparing blogging to toilet paper: an infinite cyber-spool of single-column commentary, made to be ripped off and disposed. The content, more often than not, has an emetic quality to it. It is scatology perfected. We go to Facebook for connection, we go to blogs to throw poop. We gorge at YouTube. We pray at Google. We forage through eBay and Amazon. If Obama seems like the oracle of our times, it's because he's mastered this medium while his opponent has yet to learn e-mail. Like Moses, he can cause whole memes to part and make passage for his people.

So here's my project.
  1. Print this post.
  2. Tear at the dotted line above.
  3. If you disagree with the preceding analysis, I invite you to burn it or wipe your ass with it. No hard feelings.
  4. If you agree with the preceeding analysis, I invite you to recycle it or better, eat it and forget about it.
Either way, the whole McCain-Palin VP-stakes armchair tactics thing should be forgotten so we can move back to the mere triumph of ideas.

You see, I'm tired of being a prisoner of my own indignation. I'm tired of last-minute Republican lightning rods. We knew that the 2004 Gay Marriage Amendment was never going to pass. We know Palin is manifestly unqualified to be McCain's VP. So why do we waste our energy and breath on them when we know that their only purpose is to stoke the cockles of fundamentalist Christians? Because McCain's own campaign chair has declared that this election is about personalities, not issues. Because they know Obama wins on both counts and it's easier to smear and pander than pave over the horrors of the last eight years. Because they're counting on us to cave to our anger, forget the past and forswear the future. Because it's worked before.

So let's not give into our own smug detachment -- Palin will guarantee that Tina Fey never goes hungry. But I say it's worth sparing a few hours of farce for a generation of goodwill and prosperity.

OWN THIS
It's not because John McCain doesn't care. It's because John McCain doesn't get it. For over two decades -- for over two decades, he's subscribed to that old, discredited Republican philosophy: Give more and more to those with the most, and hope that prosperity trickles down to everyone else. In Washington, they call this the ownership society, but what it really means is that you're on your own. Out of work? Tough luck; you're on your own? No health care? The market will fix it; you're on your own. Born into poverty? Pull yourself up by your own bootstraps, even if you don't have boots. You are on your own.
Well, it's time for them to own their failure.
There is a radical idea buried within that piece of classic Obama rhetoric. The Ownership Society gives its members one moral imperative: thou shalt consume. As Bush was quick to say before the ashes of 9/11 had settled: the consumption must continue, even and especially in times of crisis. Get fat, get debt, get angry. Eat, gorge, buy. Fuck, burn, kill. We can buy the troops we don't have and do retail therapy when they die.

The ownership imperative frees us of the need to create anything but zygotes and receipts. It makes the mouth the dominant erogenous zone of the body and the body politic. It makes an erection something you buy and an orgasm something you eat. It means there is no reward for a nation that works harder and harder to produce more and more. Because even though the productive force of America's working poor has increased year after year, they have lost wage value, union rights, health care, retirement, and Pell grants for college.

The Ownership Society has been given a long and scenic test drive. It's time to take this lemon back to the dealership. I won't buy it from a war hero and I won't buy it from a sharp babe with a machine gun. This jalopy simply has shitty mileage -- even after you inflate the tires.

Tuesday, September 02, 2008

Did You Think I Meant County Matters?


So apparently no one in the RNC has seen Citizen Kane.

I mention it because that campaign didn't end too well. Take heed, ye owners of the ownership society -- Rosebud was many things, but at the end of the day, she was just another product. Yes, my elitist friends, that's two obnoxious high-brow references in one small post. I've got a longer one I've been polishing -- should be up tomorrow afternoon.

In the meantime, I must offer a humble shout-out to fellow Rorschach company member Jason Linkins over at The Huffington Post. Jason quoted some of my last post last week. So in exchange for sending hundreds of readers this way, I can only return the favor by directing my vast cohort of 18 daily readers to his column at HuffPo. In the age of the "money graf" Jason is the Tantric multi-orgasmic master. Do enjoy! He can also be found at his inaugural blog, DCeiver.